dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
