I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
