i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
