So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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