dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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