What did we do last night that was yellow?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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