If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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