my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
