someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
