i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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