Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize