she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
