We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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