It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
NoShamevember. You game?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
