He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize