You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My ATM looks so different sober.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
