the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
