I will die if light touches me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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