Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
