Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just cut my nipple shaving
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
