woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize