If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
