Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
