I just cut my nipple shaving
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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