Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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