Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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