The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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