I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
