there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize