I looked at my own cervix.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
