nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
