oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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