I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
