Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
