So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
