is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
