Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize