I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
