HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
