This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
