bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
