If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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