i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize