This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
