Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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