So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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