dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
