It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
