I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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