its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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