no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
