Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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