So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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