people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize