she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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