So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
