If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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