he shaved USA in his pubs
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
