All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
