I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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