why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
