you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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