I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
