oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
